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Welcome to the Mainland or as my wife calls it the Fatherland, where all things German are either Feminine, Masculine, or Neutral, unless you are of course entering or leaving a place of business. I know, I know, information overload, I will explain everything in the future, for now check  out my first post on Failing at Culture 101.

Be sure to grab the “follow” link below to asics gt 2170 receive weekly stories delivered directly to your inbox. And please don’t be shy, share with your friends, express your opinions; I may live in Germany but this website is not governed by Socialist policies. Oh and one last thing, most of my posts contain links to other content on the site or on the world-wide web; I spend a lot of time putting the stories together and the links help enhance the content. It  is  not affiliated advertising or sponsored links. That’s it from me, go enjoy yourself.

Categories: Life | Tags: , , ,

Automobiles Part 1: Ugliness At The Right Price

Punch Bug...White..er Cream

(Word press hates blogs with pictures, sorry this looks so sloppy) One thing you should know about Germany is the citizens have an incredible allegiance to their homegrown brands; at least on a generational level. Brand loyalty can be found throughout many lifestyle choices with the  big players being Bosch and Siemens for the household, WMF for the glass and tableware, Allianz – insurance, T-Mobile – Telecommunication, Adidas – sports clothing, and Beer – name a German brand, I guarantee it’s popular. So obviously, the same thinking holds true for automobiles as well, right? After all this is the Fatherland

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Categories: Awesome, Life | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

Heat Lightning Shock to the Routine

There really has got to be a better way to say that.

Hello everyone, I have been ridiculously absent as of late, but with good reason. My wife and I traveled back to the United States at the end of February for a routine appointment with the always “inspiring” green card bio metrics team of consultants. Apparently, enough ink applied to Read more »

Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Flippin’ Friday!

That's right, this baby corkscrews too!

Before anyone heads into a weekend of revelry, I wanted to take this opportunity to wish our dearly beloved Aunt Nancy a Super Duper Happy Birthday. Normally, I would reserve a private phone call or publicly embarrassing Facebook birthday shout-out for such a glorious occasion, but instead I will share this magnificent experience with the entire universe.

To Nancy, I have to credit many awesome experiences and events. However, the most memorable experience was our incredible trip to Cedar Point with Rich, Nancy, and their son Phil. It was here, that I overcame my childhood fear of roller coasters and unabashedly rode the tallest wooden roller coaster at that time- The Mean Streak, and tallest steel coaster- Magnum XL-200. In fact, we rode every roller coaster in the park, some 5-10 times in a row. (ahem, Gemini) If you have not visited Cedar Point, I would highly recommend the trip. The park opened in 1870 in Sandusky, Ohio, and features 17 roller coasters, 3 of which received the Golden ticket award in 2011 for top ten roller coasters in the world.

Thank you Nancy for helping me conqueror my qualms for oversized thrill rides hurtling at break neck speeds and here’s hoping you have an extra-large birthday weekend. Cheers

Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment

Know the Ledge: Household Etiquette and Other Toilet Pleasantries

Through my research, I have discovered that standing is frowned upon in Germany, and the toilet police strictly enforce this.

Let’s talk about household etiquette for a moment. We have partially covered proper table manners with the two-hand use of barbaric utensils. But what about entering the house of a guest or even more frightening, using a foreign lavatory? If you’re anything like me, I am most comfortable on my own gilded ceramic and prefer to do the duty at my own pace. However, Shit happens and there are certain pleasantries that must be employed with undue precision. Remember, this is Deutschland, and the inhabitants are stubbornly fixated on tradition.  Consequently, your pleasantries must also be in line with your hosts.

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Categories: Etiquette, Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Things I love….So Far

My Alarm clock is Church Bells:

No joke, I wake up to Church Bells every morning. Religious presence is heavy in Germany, and most people pay taxes to the Catholic Church. You better believe they have the most pristine bells in the country.

Bavarian Breakfast:

A Bavarian breakfast cuts to the chase; it is simply, Hefeweizen, bread, and Weisswurst. What else could you need in the early reaches of the morning?

Categories: Awesome, Culture, Life | 2 Comments

How to: Fail Culture 101

Travelling to Europe is probably one of the easier trips people may undertake in a lifetime. After all, most of Europe is connected by a precise network of trains, affordable hotels or hostels if you prefer, the currency is mostly unified, and most cultures utilize English as a reason not to speak to you. Using my fingers and toes as an abacus, I can count how many people have taken on Europe equipped with nothing more than a canvas rucksack and Birkenstocks. Read more »

Categories: Awesome, Culture, Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Smashing the Routine with a Lecherous Top Ten List

This next statement might be blasphemy, but craft beer is better than German beer!

Yeah, so I am about to break from my usual blog routine and post a lecherous top ten of places I need to eat at before next week is over:

  1. Chipotle: Flight lands @ 4pm sharp and I expect to be sitting in a Chipotle no later than 6pm Tuesday evening.
  2. Maiwand Kabob: We will follow-up our epic Chipotle run with another epic Wednesday afternoon at the greatest Afghan restaurant in Columbia hands-down. I don’t care what the idiots on Yelp say, the Lamb at Maiwand is second to none.
  3. Wednesday night will be spent at Frisco’s Tap House, which will be just in time for Pint Night. This place is bar-none the best tap house for Read more »
Categories: Awesome, Food | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Super Strategic Bread Handling

Damn this Gravy is Deep!

Let me tell you about one of my favorite food staples, bread. In its purest form this rising wonder is nothing more than flour and yeast. Luckily, humans have been endowed with creativity and…forget this fantastic diatribe until I post about it at some other random point in time. Instead, let me interrupt you with another one of my crazy observations: German Bread Strategy.

The Germans are strategic; I am not talking Read more »

Categories: Culture, Food | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Crack Water Dependency

Often when I am contemplating my future as an unemployed Ausländer living in a Socialist country, I try to think of industries I could exploit. Take for instance, Water, and I am not talking about some actor’s cruddy idea for a movie either. Instead, I am referring to an industry that has convincingly decided, water is best served in bottles with a hint of carbonation. Now, entire societies are dependent upon a carbonated beverage for sustainability. I am still baffled how someone can chug carbonated water after a nice workout; they add a hint of sodium to the water to ensure you are always slightly thirsty. In the words Read more »

Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Dogs Love the Bakery

Who are you fooling?

In July 2011, I wrote a poignant observational post for my other blog about Dogs and the Bakery. Rather, how taking your dog for a walk was equivalent to an early morning stroll through the bakery. Since I have decided to shutter the blog and start fresh again; I thought I would rehash the untold story here.

For the rest of month of July and until the middle of August, my wife and I are dog sitting Jeb or Jebi, heck I don’t know how to spell his name but to me it sounds like it is short for Jebidiah. So, Jeb is a Golden Doodle, which other than his size and his golden tail, he hardly resembles a golden or a doodle. Like most doodle mixes, his hair is a thick oatmeal color and the top of his head is crowned Read more »

Categories: Animals, Unrelated | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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